Before Prednisone

Last week, January 3, I said my pain was at a 7 when I was at the Dr's office. What that doesn’t say is even more revealing.

The night before, I had been seriously wondering how many more times I could get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom without assistance.

I already wear a Tena pad constantly. I do not always awaken with an urge to ‘’go’. Sometimes I wake up because I am in pain, or in discomfort or I’m just restless. I have learned through experience that I have to get to a sitting position before I’ll know if I have to urinate. It can become quite intense the moment I become vertical. So . . . can I slip my bent legs off the edge of the bed enough to get my feet free and rock myself back and forth (head to toe) to get up, or , if my elbow and shoulder are strong enough, can I leverage myself up?

This is where I started to become worried, wondering. My shoulder and elbow hurt so much. I can’t use the walker to pull myself up. How close am I to having to call out to someone to help me sit up? Tomorrow night?

I have to sit on the edge of the bed for up to 5 minutes before I move to get up. Standing has become iffy. The Vimodo pain pill has at least allowed me to unbend my legs without worrying I will dislocate a knee - that’s how much the swelling has gone down. My trusty Birkenstock sandals are always parked on the floor under the walker so I can slip into them. (I cannot walk without shoes with arch support. Forget barefoot, even on carpeting.) Now I just have to be able to bear listening to the bones in my left knee rub together like knuckles cracking until the legs are extended straight enough to walk on.  Whether or not my feet are pointed straight in front of me. Actually, I no longer know when my feet are pointed straight; my knees are twisted enough I have to look at my feet to make sure. This puts the least amount of strain on my knees when I do stand.
OK, grab onto the handles of the walker and start counting.
I literally rock back and forth like I’m in a rocking chair to get enough thrust to get my butt off the bed. Before I took Vimodo, it took until about an 8 count. It’s like a 3 count now. And then every muscle tenses with the effort to stand and simultaneously try to block out the sound of the bones crackling (because you know that can’t be any kind of good news and it’s too much to contemplate right now). Try to put most of my weight on the stronger leg, whichever it is at the moment based upon knee pain level and how much each leg will straighten. Some of my apprehension has disapated as swelling has gone down. On the other hand, I’m getting weaker and weaker. This time, the 3 count isn’t enough to overcome the inertia. I deliberately relax my muscles for a few seconds, take a breath and grab the walker handles and start all over again.
I’m standing, even if I’m hanging onto the walker for dear life, hunched over, forearms flush along the handlebars bearing a lot of weight. I have rheumatoid nodules near both elbows from doing this.  Be still as I survey my body legs, knees and feet - am I steady enough to take a step yet? Which foot first? (Which knee is most steady, which foot hurts least?) Take a step. I do not fall. Do not think about it if it hurts a lot or a little, just don’t think about the pain because I have to keep moving forward, forward, forward. Move the other leg. Is it easier to move this leg? (Forward, forward, don’t stop for anything). Two more shuffles and the walker is at the bathroom door.
I’ve moved 3 feet from my bed. I have to get the walker 2 feet into the bathroom before I will get to the entrance. Then I have to turn it around 90 degrees to back up to the toilet.
(Have I mentioned I have to go really bad? Have I mentioned I am coaching myself under my breath “You can do this, you CAN do this, you WILL do this, . . . “?)
Shuffle my feet around slowly so the kneecaps don’t wiggle around, still feeling them sliding around in the knee. Simultaneously rotating the walker. It’s a tight fit in a 4 ft wide bathroom, but I have it down to a science. And I can always leave one of the pocket doors open at night. Time to sit down. Assess whether I can let go of the walker with one hand while I grab onto one of the assist arms on the toilet. OK. Just keep holding on to something somewhere because we’re none too steady here. Move the other hand to the other arm. Squeeze as hard as I can with my hands and lower down to sit. It hurts my knees, but the seat is higher than the bed, so it’s more comfortable.
The pressure is off my knees, legs, feet, arms, bladder. I can evacuate and rest. Breathe! I made it!!! Get the toilet paper ready. Ouch, my shoulder and elbow do NOT want to bend and twist. Take a breath and get it done. Wait a couple of minutes. (Am I really done going?) Must use left arm/hand because right arm/hand is no longer flexible enough to ‘reach’ to wipe myself. Sorry, probably TMI.

Get ready to stand up and wash my hands. Standing up again is almost always easier because I’ve done it once now. So I get up again. And shuffle and rotate. My feet are KILLING ME. I really cannot stand to let go of the walker to wash my hands. Forget the hand washing. I have to shuffle those few steps back to bed - and rotate me and my walker around, hang on and lower myself onto the edge.

Sigh of relief.

It has taken me up to 20 minutes to do this. Now all I have to do is scooch around and lean to my left while I lift my right foot onto the bedrail, then onto the bed. My leg is very heavy. Sometimes I just use my arm and hand for an assist. Now, can I get the other leg up?????

OK. I’m lying down on my left side. I leave the tv on for a nightlight and to lull me back to sleep. I’ll be up in 2 hours to do this again.
So I sat on the toilet in the middle of the night wondering how much longer it would be before someone has to half carry me to the toilet several times a night. It was pretty depressing.